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things are supposed to be forgot Those things, that are supposed to be forgotten, are still there. Whenever I start to forget them, something pops out, and here we go, memories flash back. Several more months, I am going to put everything into shredder. Everything. And I will be back. Today my coworker told me that my personality is more like a guy than a girl. Some close friends told me before so I was not surprised. I was more interested in the way he told me. My coworker said he only started to recognize it after he met me more 7 or 8 times because I appeared as a more quiet and girly girl in the beginning, and it can be a good advantage.... Why did I think it was interesting? Because one or two people used to give the totally opposite opinion about me. They told me that I am actually very girly though I appeared as a cold-blood and well-controlled woman in the beginning. Who are they? ...Guys who were used to be very close to me for over a year... Maybe friends and dates are just different. Maybe it's just risky to let someone starts to get to know you too well...oops. Days Just saw something I absolutely don't want to see in my life. Then suddenly realized that it will take a little more time for me to be ...as fine as I want to be 17 more days, it's going to be a year, 17 days plus 30 makes it a period. How many more days do I still need to see the whole drama a piece of laugh. Can't count. So the best thing to do is to go to sleep now. 体温 看书发现一下这句话，很温馨，也很真实 一个人的体温是体温，两个人的体温是幸福 特别在冬天很好用啦！ 夜１１時半 たまには、寂しい、かなり 原因は分かっている けど、戻ることができない 戻る道もない だから、前に向かって歩くしかない でも、まずは、ビューティスリーピングかな 最近、友だちに頼まれて、したくないことをした。 それをしたら、恐らく自分は良い思いはしないだろうなぁと分かっていたけれど、 それ以上断る言葉がなく、断る理由も無く、承諾してしまった。 やっぱり変な思いをした。一晩中。 当時は無理なく明るく笑えていたけど、三、四日後の今になってやっと気づいた、無理していたことに。 コアラじゃないのに、私の感情ってどんだけ遅いかよって、四日後になった今、笑うしか無かった。 友だち誰も気づかなかったから、それはそれでよかったけど、 自分もいつまで絶っても気づかなかったらいいのにとかと、バカなことを考えた。 しかし、見て苦しいものを目の前にしても、めちゃ普通に笑えるのってかなり簡単なことかもね。 まぁ、自分の場合はここ２年間、完璧な「訓練」を受けて、かなり無理矢理に耐えて、堪えてきたから、 今回はそれに比べてa piece of cakeだっただけかもしれない まぁ、周りのみんなが良ければそれでいい。 でも、もう昔の自分に戻れないのかな、もっと単純な自分に。 このまま我慢したら、自分が安部公房の「赤い繭」の主人公になって、繭に包まれる、繭で自分を包めてしまうじゃないかな。 最近は、自分の感情をあまり感じない、ある意味で平和だ。しばらくこのままでもいいかな。 やっぱり成長ってのは、戻れない道を歩んで行くことだろうか。 Watching "Proof" While I was watching the ending part of the film, I heard the heroine says "How many days have I lost? How can I get back to the place where I
started? I'm outside a house, trying to find my way in, but it's locked
and the blinds are down, and I've lost the key, and I can't remember
what the rooms look like or where I put anything. And if I dare go
inside, I wonder, will I ever be able to find my way out?" And her words kept running in my head again and again. These are exactly what I am feeling now..the words are exactly what I wanted to tell someone. In the same movie, Catherin's father, a genius mathematics, wrote the following theory in his notebook "Let X equal the quantity of all quantities of X. Let X equal the cold. It is cold in December. The months of cold equal November through February. There are four months of cold, and four of heat, leaving four months of indeterminate temperature. In February it snows. In March the lake is a lake of ice. In September the students come back and the bookstores are full. Let X equal the month of full bookstores. The number of books approaches infinity as the number of months of cold approaches four. I will never be as cold now as I will in the future. The future of cold is infinite. The future of heat is the future of cold. The bookstores are infinite and so are never full except in September..." It was too good and it made me want to tell and share with someone. The summer is coming again, and I am still wandering outside the house. Or, probably I am walking around inside the house and finding my way out. 梅雨が続く最近仕事での打撃が連発だ。
これまでに自分がわがままにほっからした問題が如何に仕事に影響してきたかにようやく気付いたりして、プラス雨の日が続いているから、
気分がなかなか晴れてこない。
だけど、なんとなくだけど、前よりは平静になってきている。
絵を書きたいなって
油絵の筆とカンバスを買おうかな・・・
New generation of relationships? (Topic related to Sex)After I had dinner with my Japanese co-worker, I had a chance to have a drink with a friend from England who helped expand the boundary of my imagination even further.
Our conversation began with his confession of having hypersexuality.
"I have a girlfriend but I have hypersexuality." He suddenly told me this.
"REALLY!" And I could not help but started to be excited. An interesting and unique topic is always welcomed after a tough week with work. "Well, but what does it mean?" I guess he would have told me anyway even if I did not pop the question. My eyes were sparkling for more details.
This friend and his Japanese girlfriend are both working for investment banks in Tokyo and they have been in a relationship for three or four years. But both of them are having sex with other people, and sometimes they enjoy inviting the third party to join them. "Life is too short, and we both enjoy sex a lot." He explained, and also told me that sometimes they tell each other what happened in the "affairs" and exchange the information. "If there is something interesting, we would try together."
I was impressed indeed. It is easier for me to imagine a male enjoy this relationship. But for girls, I am still wondering if this girlfriend is really enjoying it as much as her boyfriend, or this is just another similar story I have been listening that tells the poor girl has been really tolerent for keeping the relationship and she had to creat the image that she is actually having sex with others and enjoying it. Yes, I heard the similar stories in Japan, a paradise for foreign men from the West.
Assuming they both are totally fine with it, then it becomes a really intereseting story! Is is a sign of the progress to a new and liberal generation or the evidence that human are going back to animality? I don't know. But as long as they are both happy, it does not matter.
However, after I heard his relationship, I nearly asked the question to my friend "but then why do you need a girlfriend?" He is an attractive man and definitely has no problem finding girls as much as he wants (probably especially in Asia). So why does he commit to a relationship if he can just have as much as he what? Very soon I realized that it would have been stupid if I asked the question. The fact is that sex with the girlfriend is certainly very important though it is weighted less in his value towards relationship. I am not sure what exactly made him commited into a relationship and call the partner a girlfriend, but it must be something more valuable. It may be the feeling and capability to grow up together which I consider the most significant factor to choose a partner in a positive manner. New generation of relationships?My best acheivement for last week was to realize that the understanding of love relationship has been moving into a new era.
One of my co-worker, a close friend who is one year younger than me, used to tell me before that he did not mind his girlfriend to cheat on him as long as he does not hear about it.
I told him that I think he could do so only because he'd never really loved any of the girlfriends who have been chasing him because of his looking and smartness in the past. However, he raised his objection to my little judgement by telling me something I don't know how to response. "We human can love more than one at the same time and it is such a natual thing." "If you can love two children at the same time, why can't you love two men or two women at the same time?" I kept silent for a while, and told him in the end that perhaps there is only few people in the world think in the same way like US. Or many people have realized it but they have to keep denying themselves because it does not follow the mainstream.
Yes, I do think it is possible, though I also know people are programmed in very different ways, so not everyone shares the same opinions and has the same limitation.
The dimension was developed even further when I had dinner with a new friend from England. ...Write later, sleeping mode.. 責任からくるモチベーション今月に入って初めて、下に後輩がつくようになりました。
後輩に指示したり、後輩に聞かれて答えたりするたびにびくびくします、
・・・間違えたらどうしよう、後輩のほうがわかっていたらどうしよう、って
これまでは上に甘えたり、わからないことがあってもうまく自分に逃げ道を作ったりして、割とのんびりしながら仕事をこなせてきたが、
これからは、先輩としての自覚を持ちながらしっかり下に教えられるようにしっかり勉強しなきゃ。
ああ、やっと家に帰れる、疲れたかも、咳して疲れた。
明日も頑張る
p.s.今日は友達からとっても温かい励ましのメッセージをいただいたから誰かとシェアしたいと思って、勝手ながら載せさせていただきます。
Honey, wanna tell you that today is a beautiful day. I am happy because I have good and bad in life. They make me to be who I am.
You too.
I love you.
(Thank you J, I love you too / Cat) not a real lifetime decisionToday, for the first in my life, I decided not to keep in touch with someone anymore. And I know I really mean it.
Certainly there have been people who I you know probably you will not have a chance to see again or hear from. But it’s not the same this time. I did know sooner or later it might be going to happen eventually, but never thought it would have come so soon and sudden.
I understand perfectly that this can not really be counted a lifetime decision, and it does not affect my life at all. But, still, suddenly I feel empty, I feel I am like a kid who just lost something really important. I feel there is a hole in my heart, and I am scared without a clear reason. But, I will be alright. オフィスでの愚痴、妄想、等などオフィスでの愚痴：
もうちょっと自分のアイデアをしっかりまとめてから指示を出せ！
人が完成させたところでいちいちコンセプトを変えるな！
オフィスで自分への愚痴：
もっと細かいところまで注意を払え！
オフィスでの妄想：
お昼、疲れて、食欲がなくて、何を食べようかと迷いながら
後ろに座っている先輩が奥さんのお弁当を美味しく食べている姿を見たら、
”あああ、手作りのお弁当がほしいなぁ、結婚したほうがいいかな”って思ってしまった
・・・この発想のどこか間違っているような・・・汗 吐吐苦水 不哭不代表不想哭， 不哭只是因为不会哭， 不哭只是因为没有找到可以让我放心哭的人。 这样算不算强？ 这张照片
去年有一段时间疯狂地爱上了这张照片，在照片里看到自己，觉得这就是幸福，希望它能长长久久． 后来才知道梦醒了，到该起床的时间了．不管还有多困，告诉自己起来吧，见到阳光就会好多了． 今天，在网上又看见这张照片，还是觉得很温馨，舒服，外加一点点淡淡地惆怅，不过也就这一些了． 在照片中我看到的不再是未来，而是过去．
王菲的不留 初めて王菲の「不留」を聞いたときにショックを受けた。なんてリアルだろうって。 こうしたほうが幸せだと思う人は恐らく一人もいない、けど、本当は、このほうが少なくとも小さなハッピーネスなら少しずつ集めることができそう。しかし、それでいつかその小さなハッピーネスも大きくなるのかな、それとも一生緩やかなままに少しずつ流れてくるのかな。 我把风情给了你日子给了他 我把笑容给了你宽容给了他 我把思念给了你时间给了他 我把眼泪给了你责任给了他 我把照片给了你日历给了他 我把颜色给了你风景给了他 我把距离给了你无言给了他 我把烟花给了你(我把)节日给了他 我把电影票给了你我把座位给了他 我把烛光给了你晚餐给了他 我把歌点给了你麦克风递给他 声音给了你画面给了他 我把情节给了你结局给了他 我把水晶鞋给了你十二点给了他 我把心给了你身体给了他 情愿什么也不留下再也没有什么牵挂 如果我还有哀伤让风吹散它 如果我还有快乐也许吧 如果我还有哀伤让风吹散它 如果我还有快乐也许吧 爱有一个人就一定要好好的去爱他在网上看到这篇文章，读得很爽。 原来天下人都一样呢。原来，爱与不爱的方式都很相近。
有的东西你再喜欢也不会属於你的，有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃的，人生中有许多种爱，但别让爱成为一种伤害。 有些缘分是注定要失去的，有些缘分是永远都不会有好结果的，爱一个人不一定要拥有，但拥有一个人就一定要好好的去爱他。 如果真诚是一种伤害，我选择谎言；如果谎言是一种伤害，我选则沉默；如果沉默是一种伤害，我选择离开。 如果失去是苦， 你怕不怕付出？如果迷乱是苦， 你会不会选择结束？如果追求是苦， 你会不会选择执迷不悟？ 如果分离是苦，你要向谁倾诉？好多事情都是后来才看清楚，好多事情当时一点也不觉得苦，然而我已经找不到来时的路。 有一种爱,明明是深爱,却说不出来。有一种爱,明明想放弃,却无法放弃。有一种爱,明知是煎熬,却又躱不开。 有一种爱,明知无前路.心却早已收不回来.决定放弃你的那一刻我哭了，我的眼泪证明了我是真的很爱你。
a simple songA couple of days ago, a friend from work sent this song to me,
I used almost a box of tissue at my desk when I listened to it, over and over again, without a clue
你总说我还不懂事 You always say I am too innocent 维护我像一张白纸 always try to protect me as if I am a piece of blank paper 你眼中我永远是长不大的孩子 I am always a child who never grows up in your eyes 虽然我有好多心事 I do have a lot problems hiding inside my hear 却已不愿说与你知 but I never want to let you know 我曾任性地排斥你爱我的方式 I used to refuse your way to love me 想逃离你到远方去 always try to run far away from you 做我最想做的自己 so I can do whatever I wanted to 当我陷落在人群里 but whenever I fell into the crowd 我最想念的人是你 you are the one I miss most 当离开了你想说给你听 after I left you, I wanted to tell you 喔我爱你 I love you 当岁月过去我欠你一句 time goes by, and I never managed to tell you 喔我爱你 I love you 现在说会不会太迟 is it too late to tell you so now 你会不会笑我还是多像孩子 would you laugh because I still sound like a child ha...啊 我已经越来越想你 I am missing you more and more 我就是另外一个你 I am another you 你眼中我永远是长不大的孩子 I am always the child who never grows up in your eyes 3:37am at my officeSurfing on Facebook as a short break, found a friend listed her boyfriend's name as the favorite book, very cute and smart.
A favorite book, no matter how many times you have been reading it, you can always find something new.
It's fun to have it.
Probably, it's also fun to make myself one of my own favorite books.
"Life is a compromise of what your ego wants to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do"...? Edward Monkton今天突然发现了Edward Monkton的这本书（http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0007178468/qid=1147100709/sr=1-9/ref=sr_1_3_9/203-9912810-0315157 ），差点忘记曾今收过这样一个情人节礼物……只记得刚读的时候主觉得内容很搞笑，插画很温馨，Mr Monkton很天才。也许是最近多雨，将心情都洗刷了一遍，再读的时候突然发觉其实有点讽刺，然后惊觉到，也许这就是他的作品厉害的地方吧。
截取作品中的几个片断供大家笑一下：
I will love you....
Till the oceans run dry
Till the sea meets the sky
Till the fish learn to fly
Through a gaint meat pie
INSIGNIFICANT MOMENTS when I HAVE LOVED you with All my Heart:
Tues 2:49pm - while on hold to person pretending "your call is important to us"
Weds 8:03am - running through rain with bag on head
Thurs 12:08pm - Standing in endless queue of morons at post office
This morning just after burning toasts... Reference: 欢迎光临Edward Monkton的世界：http://www.edwardmonkton.com/index.php
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